there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize