I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
