Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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