Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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