I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
