I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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