i think i have two assholes
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
