She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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