...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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