i wish my penis had a tongue
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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