and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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