Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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