Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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