shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
