ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize