So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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