Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
