New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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