he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
