She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
