Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Semen is not good for contacts.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My ass is underappreciated
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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