Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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