That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I pour the whiskey from now on
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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