well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
