Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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