ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
