This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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