He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
