My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
