Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I had to cum in my sink.
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