i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
you made out with another girl for some wings
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize