remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
