Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
