i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
