I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
