we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
