Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
