is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
