I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
