i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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