Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
