I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
