Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He shit in the fireplace
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
