Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
