I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
