she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
