butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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