I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
