Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
