I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
