i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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