I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
