btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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