I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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