roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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