I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
