You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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