What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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