He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
