TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
