Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
