this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
