she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
