I puked a lego.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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