If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
