Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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