found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
