Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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